I am very sorry for your recent loss of your kitty. My thoughts are with you. Every personal loss is different. I've lost some that I miss, but somehow never cried at their loss. But then I've lost some that I still tear up just missing them. I've tried analyzing myself to determine if maybe I was prepared or expecting the loss of some due to age or illness, etc. In reality, I can't come up with a suitable answer for why I grieve more for some, I just accept that I do.
When I lost my dearest fur baby in March 2012 to complications from tracheal collapse post tracheal stint placement, I felt an overwhelming grief ( still do some days ). As tribute to her for being both my biggest fan and my best teacher for 10 years on everything from liver shunts to ACL ruptures to tracheal collapse, I signed up for the vet tech program at PF. She is my inspiration and motivation for this program. I want to continue educating clients about their pets health and sharing my experiences and knowledge to help them make the best decisions for their pets.
Have your kitty be your inspiration to continue pushing through your studies. She will be your personal story to use to caution clients about linear foreign bodies in cats. Sometimes our personal experiences mean more to clients than anything the veterinarian can say to them.
Don't be too hard on yourself, take time to grieve and let go of the guilt. We all feel guilty and feel we could have done more or we missed signs, use it as a learning experience so history doesn't have to repeat itself.
As for proctor study, we all know how much fun that is! It's ok to walk away from the books and notes to take a personal break for a while. Studying in short bursts are more effective for all that information anyway. You probably remember more than you think you do!
Again, I am very sorry for your recent loss. I know she is missed! My thoughts and prayers go out to you while you grieve and for your upcoming proctors!
Sincerely,
Misty